thursday's thoughts

meh.

i went christmas shopping today ... which is really hard to do when you don't have any money. since i spent the entire day walking around i decided that i'd give myself a break tonight. ok, so maybe i'm just too tired and lazy to work out tonight. i need to find a way not to lose my motivation. it's amazing how something can inspire you one day then depress you the next. i know what i want, but it's hard to not fall into that "that's nice, but completely impossible" mindset.

on a positive note, i went to my cousin isabelle's christmas program on monday. i swear she is the most adorable miniature in the world. while there, i was asked by no less than 4 members of my family if i had lost weight and was told that i looked great. i think it was a trick of whatever i was wearing that night. so what did i do? celebrated with wendy's for dinner. delicious, but not the smartest move.

witty list-title to come later ...

taking a page out of the book of 'becca, i've made a list of things that i want to accomplish in this, my 30th year on this planet. eek!

1. send out christmas cards. sounds easy enough, right? yet i haven't done it in years! this will change.

2. do something that scares me. this just sounds interesting. ;)

3. go to a blackhawks game in detroit. this may just be the thing that scares me. my friend and i have been talking about it for a couple years now, but i haven't gone. we have friends that live near the D, so it's possible.

4. attempt to make madelines. i love these french cookies! i ate them everyday for breakfast in london. i've been wanting to make them for years, but haven't gotten around to it.

5. get my portfolio website up. i say this every year. i've gotten as far as designing the homepage, which now needs to be redesigned anyway. i have plenty of friends to help ... so i don't really have an excuse to not do it.

6. have a party. :) because i know fabulous people ... they should mingle.

7. journal my 30th year. stole this one from 'becca. i like the idea of it.

8. try 13 new recipes. i'm in a cooking rut. i need to try some new things. now accepting suggestions.

9. get a job. self-explanatory.

10. write a story. i use to love to write. i'm not saying i was any good at it, but i did enjoy it. i'm not saying anyone gets to read it either, but i'll write it.

11. go see lynn's new place. because any excuse to see lynn works for me.

12. learn something new about myself. i've learned a lot of things about myself this past year that i didn't know. i'd like to continue to do that.

13. visit 3 places i've never been. travel, travel, travel ... let's go! anyone have money?

14. make a pocket calendar. mainly because i want a pretty one.

15. go tanning. i've never been tanning before. i really need it, i am so white, i blind people as i walk by. so i must try tanning for the safety of the public.

16. secret. i don't know if i'll ever actually say what this goal is, but i will let you know if i accomplish it.

17. paint my office. i have the paint, but that's the closest i've come in 3 years to actually getting it done. hopefully i'll get it painted and then move out.

18. re-import all the music i lost when my hard drive crashed. blasted hard drive.

19. exercise more. because i need it. i need to somehow manage to not lose my motivation!

20. take more pictures. i've been slacking on picture taking in recent years. this should be easily achieved, i am journaling my 30th year after all.

21. attend a chi-town shooters game. i went to so many railcats games this year, and considering i like hockey better than baseball, i think it's time to go to a shooters game.

22. listen to 12 bands i've never heard of before. wow, a music goal! imagine that!

23. organize my recipes. this just needs to get done! i keep losing things, i want to get them all transferred to the computer at some point.

24. play a 31 game series of 'phase 10' with 'becca. basically, we are crazy.

25. wear earrings. simple, right? i haven't done it in years, but i think it's time to attempt it again. plus i bought this cute pair as motivation.

26. attend 30 sporting events. yes, railcats games count.

27. watch all of james mcavoy's movies. have you seen james mcavoy? that's why.

28. go to the blackhawks convention. this was originally 'meet a blackhawks player' but i really want to go to the convention this year. i wanted to go last year but couldn't find anyone to go with. hopefully this year Steph can go. we shall see. :)

29. go on another ghost tour. they are fun. that is, when they are not being led by someone named 'scary mary.' mary was the only thing scary about that tour.

30. try fish. this may be the hardest one to accomplish. i hate fish. but it's healthy for you, so i'm going to force myself to try it just to see if i can stand it. pray for me.

health blog

so, i'm trying to catch up on the posts i've slacked off on ... however, as you can probably tell by those posts, i'm not having the best day. so they are all very short and kind of meh. i'm usually pretty good at the whole "i'm fine, all is good" thing, but it's just not happening today. so let me apologize for being such a downer. i wish that i was one of those kind of people that when they become so emotionally stressed out, they can throw themselves into a workout. that's not me ... i want to throw myself under the covers and bawl uncontrollably. how many calories can you burn crying?

today was the first day since thursday that i actually worked out. friday i just wanted to let my shoulder recover. which i still find strange since i haven't been doing any arm exercises ... but whatever. that muscle and i will always have issues. saturday and sunday i wasn't home. yesterday, i was just plain tired. my eyes were swollen and i decided instead to just go to bed. i've been eating decently though, except that cheeseburger tonight. i even was pretty good at game night on saturday ... although i did cave when my twinkie dessert started calling my name. i don't own a scale, so i have no clue if i've lost any weight. i have no desire to see that number. i usually just go by how my clothes fit.

okay ... i think i'm finally all caught up on everything. so i'm going to bed now ...

if you owned a movie theater, what kind of movies would you play?

... i would play empire records everyday at 1:37pm exactly. it's an excellent time.

... i would have "the brat pack" night and play the breakfast club, st. elmo's fire, sixteen candles and pretty in pink.

... i just may have a night dedicated to james mcavoy. oh, and johnny depp. maybe even jake gyllenhaal because any chance to show donnie darko should not be past up. i'd leave out bubble boy though.

... i would also have a tim burton night.

... i would have a mystery dinner theater night. i'd throw a mystery dinner. whodunit style. then show clue.

... i'd show titanic again. so i wouldn't have to sit in the front row.

thoughts on God ...

i was raised catholic and attended catholic school for 13 years. one thing i came out of it sure of is that everyone needs to form their own relationship with God. they need to form their own opinions and beliefs. i do believe in God ... i also believe He probably gave up on me a long time ago.

it's been a bad day. sorry.

here's a pretty song though (again, i can't get the video to show, so here's the link for now ...)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4jhopfabQ6o

how to survive a tragedy

i'm not a very strong person. my emotions are usually always in overdrive, so i usually try to just become numb to the pain of a tragedy. i allow myself to fall apart and cry, but only behind closed doors. i don't really know if that's considered surviving the tragedy or just hiding from it.

favorite school memories

i'll have to get back to you guys on this one. i know that some exist ... i just can't think of them right now.

settling

according to death cab for cutie, this is the sound of settling:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pphrk6wE5aw

I can't get the video to show up on here for some reason :( so until I find out how to do that, the link will have to suffice.

h&f: thursday edition

today i did manage to get on the treadmill and do one of the videos. i'm sure the girl leading the exercises is a very sweet lady, but i want to punch her in the face. i mean that in the most loving way possible. i am proud of the fact that i didn't give up half way through the video today :) it's not that it's very long - maybe a half hour/45 mins or so, but once i hit a move i just can't do i get frustrated and it's very easy to hit that stop button. there is this one exercise that i just can't figure out yet, so i've begun to just skip that one so i don't get so upset. i use it as my water break.

i ate pretty well today. half a cajun chicken sandwich for lunch ... that was the last of my chicken :( the meatloaf for dinner probably wasn't the best - i want to see if i can find wheat bread crumbs, then it might not be so bad. for a snack i had a piece of toast with some "i can't believe it's not butter" spray and some cinnamon sprinkled on it.

i need to find some exercises for arms. something that won't kill my shoulder. anyone have any suggestions?

final thought for the day: i need to stay away from infomercials!

punctuation ...

?

ouch!

so ... today my back hurts, it's really tight. i need to be careful because of that muscle in my shoulder, so i think i need to take it easy tonight. i'm about to get on the treadmill in a second, but i'm going to skip the video tonight and let my back/shoulder recover.

as far as eating ... today i had a sandwich for lunch and then cajun chicken for dinner. both on wheat bread. i will admit, i had a couple of those powered donuts (the tiny ones) ... addictive! so bad, i know. but they are gone ... no more temptation. why is it that if something is broken, like a donut or potato chip or something, you don't count it? oh, that one's broken ... so i'll just eat the pieces, it won't be as bad. who came up with that logic?

emotional well-being: um, yesterday was better. not the best day today. luckily it's over.

:)

alright treadmill ... let's get this over with.

what i did on my summer vacation ...

this is how i started off my summer :) i had this lovely drink after sue and eric's wedding.

it's my reward for not throwing up while doing the reading.

i was attacked by puppets.

i attended a lot of railcats games.
i have more pictures somewhere ... but i'm not searching for them now.

went to colorado. went to the rockies game vs. the cubbies. went ghetto fabulous with lynn.

2nd annual trip to the stanley hotel. gorgeous.

went on a ghost tour of the stanley. see that little girl. that black thing next to her ...

NOT A GHOST!

these people have never seen a shadow before.

rocky mountain state park.

breathtaking.

literally ... try walking uphill when you are over 12,000 feet above sea level.

i thought my heart was trying to escape my chest.

oh canada ...

went to niagara over labor day weekend.

got some fancy poncho's. we loved them ...

... so we got them in blue too!

overall it was an amazing summer. i wish i could go back and live it all over again. i miss it.

where is that time machine?

health and fitness blog

when mel suggested fitness-related blogging i thought it was a fabulous idea. i'm hoping that by blogging about it and knowing other people that are doing the same thing, i might actually stick with it.

i'm like mel, i go through spurts of being good and then suddenly lose any and all motivation to continue on. my main thing is trying to exercise ... i hate exercising. i have spent so much money on various exercise tapes over the years, i'm good for like a week and a half, but then i get frustrated and quit. i don't really eat horribly, but i can be lazy as hell. i'm hoping to change that.

so, that being said ... i got my butt on the treadmill tonight. whew, go me! i also have a few different exercise tapes that i'm trying to incorporate into this whole thing. the one i've been using for a couple days is based on dancing. fun, right? you know what i've discovered? i am the definition of rhythmically challenged. i don't know how these women move their bodies like that, but mine just doesn't do it. there is this one tape that suppose to work on your abs. ("make them lean and flat" says the supermodel in the spandex. very encouraging, right?) i'm beginning to think that i do not have abs. after doing that workout - my arms hurt, my back hurts, my legs hurt, my head hurts ... but these supposed "abs" - nothing! it's things like that that usually make me eventually give up.

'becca made mention of her emotional health as well in her post. i think that's a good idea. a person's emotions tend to play a big role in things like this. so, let's see ... in terms of my emotional health ... today was better than it has been in awhile. i seemed to be able to look at things with more clarity. i'm not sure why that is, but i'm encouraged by it. maybe it was the weather. who knows, but i'll take it. one day at a time ...

the color blue & its potential contributions to world peace

um ... yea.

well, the color blue is often referred to as a very calming color. it is said to symbolize trust, wisdom, loyalty, confidence, intelligence, faith, truth and heaven. I have no idea what this has to do with world peace. Maybe if people wore more blue ... or spent hours just staring at the ocean ... they would be happier and therefore less likely to pop a cap in someones ass. just sayin'.

... and i have to say, jonathan gives us such, um ... interesting topics ... so where is he?!

i have this neighbor ...

ok, so i don't actually have any neighbors at the moment, so let me take you back 26 years ...

i lived at the house on walter (my dad's childhood home) until i was 4. our neighbor's on our right were the Kelner's. fred was like my first best friend. i cannot remember how old he was, probably around my grandfather's age. fred was the only person in my entire life to ever call me lizzie. one day, when i was about 3 i think, my parents woke up and could not find me anywhere! they were frantic and once they noticed the side door was open they moved on to hysterical. they walked next door to fred's ... and there was little lizzie eating breakfast. :) yea, i can't remember, but i'm willing to bet i got yelled at for that one.

your three favourite words & why

hmm, this one is tricky because you could ask me this question for a week straight and get a different answer each day. so, i'll just see what comes to mind at the moment (and i'll keep it rated G) ...

happiness: whenever anyone asks me "what do you want?" - my basic answer has always been that i just want to be happy. i don't know how to go about attaining happiness, but it's my ultimate goal.

seriously: it has meaning in the world of the rockstars. so many emotions are conveyed by one simple word.

pizza: basically just because i have a taste for it at the moment.

immunity vs.immortality

easy.

immunity.

i have no desire to live forever. i just don't see the point of it. now, knowing that i'd never get sick - that i'd love. it would make the whole not having health insurance thing a lot easier to handle.

name the person who influenced you the most growing up & why

i'm not sure that i could name just one person - my entire family greatly influenced me.

obviously, my parents influenced me. that's the easy answer. so, i'll pick a few others ...

grandpa bill - when i was growing up, everyone went over to my grandpa's house every sunday afternoon. he put a lot of emphasis on family, telling us not to take each other for granted. people will come in and out of your life, but family will always be there. some of us listened better than others. we still toast him everytime the family gets together now - with wine of course. he'd be proud.

grandpa fred - he was the first person who told me that my future was in art. i thought he was crazy. he passed away before i switched my major to graphic design.

grandma betty (elizabeth) - it's strange to be influenced by someone you never met. having been named after her, i always felt some sort of connection to her. she was killed when my mom was 14, 7 years before i was born. i've always felt like i had this responsibility, i had her name ... i needed to be proud of that. honor her however i could. i remember back in high school, i was coming from from a party with my friends and we got into a car accident. no one was hurt, but the car was totalled. the officer said another foot and all of us could have been seriously hurt. the next day, my mom told me that my accident the night before was on the anniversary of the accident that killed my grandmother and my mom's little brother. i still get chills when i think about it.

ingrid - after the accident, my grandpa bill got remarried. there is no one in the world like ingrid. the strength and love this woman possesses is incalculable. in my entire like, i think i've seen her mad twice. she is the sweetest person i've ever had the honor of knowing. she's the rock. just don't swear around the rock :)

lisa (cousin) - not all influences are good. she apparently wasn't listening when our grandpa stressed the importance of family.

gratitude

I'm thankful for ...

my truly amazing family.
i wish i had half the strength that each of them seem to possess.

my equally amazing friends.
being friends with me isn't always the easiest thing in the world and i know i've been annoying as hell lately, i am beyond grateful that no one has given up on me yet.

luke.
sometimes, just holding that little orange fur ball helps make me feel better. even if i know i only have about 15 seconds before he tries to bite me.

my cell phone's off button.
it helps in keeping those amazing friends. i can't bother them if i have my cell phone turned off.

music.
whether it's making you dance, helping you cope, bringing a smile to your face, helping you remember or helping you forget, taking you away, keeping you together, making you laugh or drowning out your tears, music helps.

oxygen.
self-explanatory.

who would portray each of us in a movie?

i know ... this was my topic, so you'd think i'd have a fabulous list.

yea, not so much.

i've decided that if we were to make NaBloPoMo: the movie it would have to be a stop-motion animated feature. directed by tim burton, of course. we would all do our own voices since we best know what the meaning behind our words are.

fade to black. end scene.

favorite authors

if you scroll down you will see that i don't read all that much, so i don't really have a favorite author. although, i do enjoy J.K Rowling, Stephenie Meyer and Stephen King. then of course, i have much love for my boy Mikey and his brilliant imaginative mind.

panic

alright, i admit it. i do suffer from panic attacks. i haven't always gotten them, i'd say it started about 10 years ago. it's a little scary because i never know when one will hit. most seem to center around being alone, though. for example, going to a store by myself. i can't even count how many times i've gotten as far as the parking lot and couldn't even get out of my car. it's such a horrible feeling - can't catch my breath, start getting really hot and then feeling like i'm going to pass out. sometimes i even start shaking and it's easy to swear it's from the force of my heartbeat since it seems determined to burst out of my chest. it's like an overwhelming fear takes over and i have no clue where it comes from. i haven't had one in awhile, probably because i try my best to avoid going places alone. shopping's more fun with company anyway.

what are you most passionate about at this time in your life, and why?

that is a very good question ... i just wish i had an answer.



musically, my passion is currently jason mraz. although ... that's nothing new. he's an incredible songwriter with an amazing voice. his words have been helping a lot lately ... thanks mc raz!


other than that, i really haven't been very passionate about anything lately. i know what's been holding me back and i'm trying to work through it. when my passion returns, i'll post about it.

if i had a ...

time machine - as tempting as it would be to change certain things that happened in the past, i'm not sure that i would. you do learn from everything - no matter how painful the lessons may be. if anything, i might alter the way i reacted to some situations. maybe that way i would have so many scars to deal with now. besides, i have a horrible memory. so it would be nice to be able to revisit a time and place that you might not be able to remember all that well. on a much less personal note, there's the fact that i love history. it would be amazing to get to visit different eras and experience first hand the various cultures and events you grew up reading about. to go back to the time of the ancient Roman Empire or watch the Egyptians build the pyramids. try to catch Jack the Ripper or visit the wild wild west. to shake hands with Amelia Earhart or to stand on the dock as the Titanic set sail.

now, as for something more realistic ...

screw it, i want a time machine!

your favorite book (as a child or adult) and why

as a child some of my favorite books were:
one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish: endless entertainment right there!

rebecca of sunnybrook farm: i don't remember this book, but i'm guessing it involved a wee tot and some animals.

but those books were read TO me. when it came to actually reading a book myself, that's a completely different story. ha! not funny, moving on ...

i've never been a big reader. i have a lot of trouble concentrating. so unless the story really manages to capture my interest, there's no hope of finishing it. i'll just end up re-reading the same sentence for a half an hour.

i have to admit, i was assigned many books to read in high school. however, i only actually got through one of them. the catcher in the rye. i absolutely loved that book. i haven't read it in years though, so i don't remember much about it.

currently, i have to say that my favorite book is harry potter and the deathly hallows. the entire potter series is fantastic. i finished the first two books in one day. (let me draw your attention back up to paragraph four ... see, that is a huge deal for me.)

i am also a huge fan of books about hauntings. they are the only books i've always been able to read. i can't even count how many books on ghosts i have in my possession. this really isn't that surprising considering i am the girl who's favorite movie as a child was poltergeist.

Grammar Police - an idea whose time has finally come?

sure, why not? it does bug me when people misuse words (they're, their, there - yada yada). however, i have been guilty of doing so when not fully paying attention.

so, yes, i think the grammar police is a fabulous idea.

you'll bail me out, right?

which would you rather get first - your peg leg or your hook?

hmm ... tricky.

i think i'd have to go with the peg leg. although, i would like to request that neither 'becca nor jonathan hack off my leg ... their way of doing so sounded painfully messy. knock me out please - i can't see the blood.

the present

presently i am ...

... typing.
... listening to "The Middle" repeatedly hoping it sinks in.
... working on a logo for a friend's company.
... staring at the treadmill, wishing that was enough.
... wondering if my phone has stopped working or if my friends have just forgotten about me.
... drinking water.
... half-hazardly watching the Bulls game.
... hoping to make lunch plans with Pammie soon.
... wondering what's next.
... hoping Sue's surgery goes well tomorrow.
... thinking.
... practicing the "smile and nod" method.
... praying the Blackhawks don't trade Brent Seabrook or Adam Burish.
... kind of wanting to see a psychic.
... dreading having to clean the entire house tomorrow.
... over-analyzing.
... wishing i had made more of that cajun chicken. that was good.
... trying to figure out if i'd want my peg leg or hook first.
... wondering why people say "i won't judge you" when it's obvious that's exactly what they are doing.
... wondering what i did to my knee.
... excited that New Moon comes out this week.
... running out of things to say.
... thinking i should stop typing.
... preparing to hit the bright orange "publish post button."

write a haiku

flowing through the air,
therapeutic melody.
music brings a smile.

what hair color would you really want?

hmm, in the past 10 years my hair has been dyed blonde, red and black. everyone really liked the blonde, but it started to get way to blonde and i was getting sick of the upkeep. i liked the way the red looked, but it washed out real quick - even though it was suppose to be permanent. and the black - yea, i'm just way too casper-rific for that color.

i would love to be able to dye my hair black and add some streaks of red or even pink. i think that would look absolutely fabulous ... just maybe not on me.

5 ways to lose a fight

i'm sorry ... lose?

i don't know what that means.

a cause(s) close to your heart

organ donation.
to write love on her arms.
MADD. (yep, fully aware i'm not a mother)
ocean conservatory.

how has your life as an adult turned out differently than what you had anticipated in high school?

wow. my life is completely different than i thought it would be.

i started college as a biology major. i was planning on getting my core classes done at Purdue and then transferring somewhere in either florida or california where i could get my degree in marine biology/oceanography. my goal was to work with dolphins.

then life happened. i ended up working at a craptactular "newspaper" run by my cousins fiance. what had started out as a part-time job as a writer turned into a more than full-time position as the editor-in-chief/whipping-post overnight. i had no experience other than being on the newspaper and yearbook staffs in high school - and suddenly i had to find a way to put out a paper (with 9 different zones) each week, with absolutely no help. i was the only writer, ad designer, proofreader, photographer, layout designer - you name it, i had to do it. and this was back when you had to glue the layout together and then take it to the printer (also, my job.) did i mention i was also a full time college student? 5 classes plus biology labs. having a boss that never graduated high school - he didn't have much tolerance for anything "school-related" and if i happened to bring it up, he somehow found more work for me to do. it took me a month to get him to agree to hire my friend to help me. no longer having to write the stories helped some, but not enough. by the time i found it in me to leave that job, whatever confidence i had was shattered. i was pretty much broken and had no clue what i wanted anymore. i had failed advanced chemistry and decided that biology wasn't the right path for me.

i took the next semester to take a sampling of classes, trying to figure out the right fit. i thought about switching my major to history, but my inability to remember dates made me rethink that. i also considered english and journalism - but never thought i was a good enough writer to succeed. then i heard about this new program - graphic design. i've always been considered the artistic, creative one in my family. my whole life i've had both my grandfathers tell me i should go into art when i grew up. so i decided i'd take a couple of classes and see if i liked it. more importantly, to see if i was any good at it. i was basically walking head first into the same area that i had been told, repeatedly on a daily basis, that i was horrible at. even when you know someone is saying these incredibly hurtful things to you just because they can get away with it, it still leaves scars. and i was full of them. so to make that decision to go into graphic design ... i still don't know how i did that. but i'm glad i did.

i also thought that i would definitely be married with kids by now. being almost 30 and single is just unheard of in my family. meh.

so, my life is drastically different than what i had anticipated in high school. life is funny that way. and what did i know back then anyway? i was in high school!

the most interesting thing that happened to me today ...

i'd have to say that it was going to dinner at moe's - in west lafayette. i kind of had a taste for pizza, but i know better then to stand between 'becca and her moe's.

besides, it beats seeing clint in his underwear.

the soundtrack of my life

music has always been a major part of my life. so, it was only natural that one of my topics would involve music. :) i said 7 songs ... there is no way i could only pick 7 songs.

now, if i was to make a soundtrack for my life, it would include (in no particular order ...)

Thriller - Michael Jackson: i think i was 3 when this video came out. the first time i ever saw it, i watched it from behind the couch. after that i was fascinated with it.

The Middle - Jimmy Eat World: besides being my favorite song to sing off rockband/guitar hero, it's just an amazing song. i'm a lyrics girl - and these have always hit close to home for me.

Livin' on a Prayer - Bon Jovi: i can't even tell you how many times this song has been stuck in my head. plus, i've seen them in concert a few times and they are amazing.

Everything - Lifehouse: this is one of the most beautiful songs i've ever heard by one of the sweetest bands i've ever met. if i ever get married, this is going to be my wedding song. don't steal it.

Mexico - Incubus: i've always been someone who loved going to concerts. back in college, i got into the incubus show at the riv (one of the best venues in chicago) for free and ended up with passes to the after party. while meeting the band was definitely the highlight of the night, this song is a stand out from the actual concert. i can picture it perfectly every time i hear the song.

Halfway Home - Jason Mraz: picking just one of jason's songs is nearly impossible. his voice is just perfection. he is one of my favorites to see in concert. his shows are amazing and he is hilarious. meeting him was incredible (equally incredible, the hug he gave me. fabulous hugger:)

Gavin's Song - Marc Broussard: this song always makes me cry. it reminds me of my uncle hal. it sounds like something he'd have said to his kids (who were 10, 12 & 14 when he died).

Open Arms - Journey: for as long as i can remember, i've been addicted to this song. hence my email address. :) journey has always been one of my mom's favorite bands, so i've inherited that love. now, if i could just convince steve perry to come back ...

I See You - Mika: a new entry. this song's lyrics ring so true right now, it hurts. a lot.

In Loving Memory - Alter Bridge: in the christmas video, this was the song i used in the segment about all of our loved ones that had passed. it fit perfectly. my favorite line - "and even though you're gone, you still mean the world to me ..." chills, everytime.

Seize the Day - Avenged Sevenfold: because adding "a little piece of heaven" might just scare people.

The Ghost of You - My Chemical Romance: they are one of my favorite bands, so i had to include a song from them. besides loving the song, this video is incredible.

Let It Be - The Beatles: needs no explanation. it's the beatles!

You Got - Melee: it's just fun.

Burn Out Brighter (Northern Lights) - Anberlin: great song. fabulous message.

Bye Bye Bye - *NSync: this was high school/college for me. i remember my friend and i trying to learn this dance on her front porch ... i am NOT a dancer. and many a passerby bore witness to that fact. i probably saw them in concert ... i don't know, 30 times ... at least.

Step by Step - NKOTB: my first concert. ahh, joey ....

Never Gone - Backstreet Boys: i used this song in the ending credits of the christmas video. (yes, it had credits.) i had made a last minute edit, dedicating the video to hal. that dedication came up just as the last line was sung, "never gone. never far. in my heart is where you are."

Someday We'll Know - New Radicals: i've always loved this song. it really makes you think.
"did the captain of the titanic cry?"

The Masterplan - Oasis: oasis was high school for me. it's hard to pick just one song, but this was always one of my favorites. "acquiesce" was a close runner up.

Gravity - Sara Bareilles: because sometimes you are drawn to the things you aren't allowed to be drawn to.

Neighbors - The Academy Is... : this one always makes me smile. you can't help but sing along.

Summer Breeze - Seals and Croft: reminds me of the island. sitting on the beach staring out at the lake.

Untitled - Simple Plan: this is one of the most powerful videos i've ever seen. maybe it's because it's about something that's happened to my family. i cried the first time i saw it. i already loved the song, the video made me respect the band.

The Fantasy - 30 Seconds to Mars: this band will forever remind me of the road trip to colorado 'becca and i took this past summer.

Through Glass - Stone Sour: i fell in love with this song the first time i heard it.

Your Guardian Angel - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus: it's a powerful song, gave me chills the first time i heard it.

Boom Boom Pow - Black Eyed Peas: because i need a track for the club kids. :)
***********

I could seriously go on forever ... this is going to need to be a 2-disc set. the special edition will include a dvd with all the videos.

past

i rewrote this post about 3 times, each time deciding it was divulging more than i was comfortable with. my past is a sore subject. not all of it, obviously, but to sit down and write about it - i tend to gravitate towards the harder times, looking for a therapeutic outlet.

anyway, i decided not to depress people and instead post some pictures.

i finally defeated that blasted yellow bear!

my cheerleading career came to an abrupt end due to a horrific pom-pom accident.

at least i look innocent ... right?

i'll upload a few more once i figure out how to work my new scanner. :)

conspiracy theory

i'm beginning to think that my mind has a conspiracy against me. i'll think of something - it may be an answer to a question, a joke, a lyric to a song, title of a movie or simply just a word - but when i actually go to say said something ... GONE! drives me crazy.

do you have any idea how many times i've said "this has to be a conspiracy?" many. yet now - nothing comes to mind. it's very grr-inducing.

i mean, seriously now, i'm a cubs fan - i should have a list, right? damn goat.

health care & heath bars (any connection?)

yes ...

... but you'll never learn anything if i provide you with the answers. don't take the easy way out, do some research! i suggest seeking out the fabulously well informed dr. michael rigg. try the golf course on saturday, i got a tip he may be there. bringing a heath bar for him might help get him talking. just don't let him find out you are related to nurse crayle.

if i could have one gadget named after me, it would be ...

... a gadget that could scan any item on a menu, providing you with a list of all the ingredients and the recipe - complete with pictures and tutorials.

might not sound exciting, but i do love to cook. i've tried to make a few Olive Garden dishes and while they do come out quite tasty, they never taste exactly like the restaurant version. boo. so i just keep adding garlic ... it's the italian thing to do ;) we do love garlic.

anyway ... my brain closed up shop early, so i don't have a cool name for this gadget. although i'm open to suggestions.

frenemies

i do actually have a few people in my life that i would classify as a "frenemy." i've always been the type of person that if you are my friend, you are always my friend. i have been hurt and betrayed by a few people in the past and i always seem to forgive them. that's just how i am. i always try to see the good in people. even when i've witnessed, first hand, the not-so-good side of them. however, once my trust is broken, it is not easily regained. there are some people that have repeatedly hurt me and while i'll still talk to them, i'm very leery of their motives and aren't going to make the mistake of trusting them again. but i can't just write them off ... i'm just not capable of that. i never want someone to feel alone. i want them to know that if they ever really do need a friend, i will always be there. if that means putting myself in danger of getting hurt again, so be it. i have plenty of shoulders to cry on.

potential resolutions for 2010

like most other people, i don't make resolutions anymore. all they actually resulted in was causing me to become angry with myself when, by the time January 4th rolls around, i've already failed at my "new beginning." but, in the spirit of NaBloPoMo ...

in 2010, i hope to ...

1. laugh more
2. stop holding myself back
3. visit someplace i've never been
4. listen to 15 bands i've never heard of before
5. attend a chi-town shooters game
6. drink more water
7. go to a hawks game in detroit
8. continue blogging
9. take more pictures
10. learn something new about myself
11. be a better friend
12. get my portfolio website up
13. be smarter about who i trust
14. try something new
15. go back to vegas
16. get over him
17. appreciate the simple moments more
18. go on another ghost tour
19. meet brent seabrook and adam burish ... again. this time sans drool.
20. invent a cure for stupidity

...

...

...

... i don't have anything else to say. those extra dots are for jonathan.

unique holiday traditions

i never thought i'd ever describe my family as normal ... but this topic has me stumped. we really don't have many unique traditions, at least not anymore.

when we were younger, the weekend before halloween, everyone would gather at grandpa's house to paint pumpkins. or each other ... whatever was in reach of the small child wielding a paintbrush. i can't even remember the last time we did this. i guess we all grew up. maybe we'll revive this tradition one year, i think isabelle would enjoy it.

let's see ... what else? the family always goes up to Washington Island over the 4th of July. (okay, "always" isn't exactly true since we didn't go this past year. however that was due to some serious medical problems in my family. next year, it's on.) we usually have a cookout on the 4th, either at the house or Schoolhouse Beach. if the Islanders have a game that day, some of us will go check it out and then take in the parade. i'm using the word "parade" rather loosely. it's more a group of maybe 25 young kids walking down main street waving at people. at night we all head out to the ballpark to watch the Island's version of a fireworks display. BOOM. waiting ten minutes to reload. BOOM. waiting ten more minutes. BOOM. BOOM. Ooh. Aah. was that the finale? we love the Island. :)

years ago, the whole family would take a trip the weekend after thanksgiving. we'd go to nearby places, such as Brown County, Frankenmuth or Galena. a little over 10 years ago, this tradition evolved to an annual family trip to Disney World. everyone in my family is a bit obsessed with Disney, it's morphed into a bit of a sickness really. with the kids getting older, it's getting harder to take them out of school, so this trip rarely happens around thanksgiving anymore. however, the trip is not happening this year. :( thank you economy.

so, yea, my family doesn't really have traditions. but we do have alcohol. :)

my irrational fear of ...

this is my first blog post. ever. so, i may be absolutely horrible at this. here goes nothing ...

i have many fears. however, like most people, i don't consider my own fears to be irrational. i'm too busy being terrified. when i see a spider, i don't stand there thinking, "well, it's completely absurd for me to be so scared of the little fella." no. i'm jumping up on the couch and screaming for someone, anyone, to come kill the blasted thing. so, yea, not a fan of arachnids.

i truly believe that all clowns are evil. what exactly are they trying to hide behind all that makeup? i remember getting talked into going to reaper's realm back in high school. my friend and i were determined to find a way out of that line - we knew there would be clowns in there and wanted none of it. in the end, not wanting to look like total wimps, we gave in. after, of course, being told "don't worry, they aren't allowed to touch you." apparently, someone forgot to tell those things they weren't allowed to touch us. and who the hell gave them chainsaws?! like i said ... evil. as for the origin of this fear, i blame the movie "It." yet, i have no fear whatsoever of tim curry. weird.

i am also extremely frightened of needles. the thought alone is enough to make me panic. this could have something to do with my fear of blood as well. for those of you who know me, yes, i am aware that my tattoo was not licked on by kittens - but i didn't actually SEE the needle.

the next one is what i seem to get the most comments on. i won't take the first of anything. whether it's cds or dvds, lids for fountain drinks, straws, books, plates, etc. i always reach back and take from the middle. i'm not really sure why i do this. perhaps it's the thought that, by the time you decide "yes, i want this", there have already been many people that have picked up that exact same thing - "do i want this? no ... no, i don't think i do" and put it back. manhandled merchandise just isn't my thing.

i just might also be afraid of being a horrible blogger. just saying ...